April Fools 2013: The Ultimate Round-Up | TechCrunch

Happy April First, errybody! Yes, that?s right, we?ve reached that special, inimitable time of year. April Fools Day 2013. At TechCrunch, we have a long history of taking April Fools seriously. Deadly, deadly seriously. So, we?ve taken it upon ourselves to create a master list (which will be updated throughout the day) with the best tomfoolery, pranks, WTFs and LOLs the Internet and the tech industry have to offer.

All night and all day, whatever it takes. If a company close to you happens to break out its clown shoes in what can only be an eye-rolling effort at being funny (really, the one time of year we indulge terrible nerd jokes publicly), please alert us in the comment section. And, again, thank you for your help in advance.

We?ve tried to separate the good from the bad and the ugly ? and highlight the stuff that?s actually funny ? sometimes with success, sometimes not.

So here they are.

(And, again, for our annual disclaimer: If you?re one of those folks who finds April Fools stressful because you?re constantly subject to punkings courtesy of your co-workers, rest assured that we at TechCrunch would never do that to you. Never. Never ever.)

The Best:

Google Nose

You have to give Google props. They always take April Fools Day pretty seriously, and cats are usually involved. But this year Google is poking fun of its Glass Project with some olfactory goodness. Google Nose. Smells galore. You?ve probably been wondering what Google does with all that information that it tirelessly indexes for its search engine, combing the Web with Page Rank to serve you moderately usable results. Well, it?s also been collecting scents.

Now, as Greg reports, instead of paying hundreds or thousands for its newest piece of sexy hardware, Google is now letting you type your favorite scent into its search engine, tap the ?smell button? and inhale to your hearts content. Just try not to sneeze on your monitor.

YouTube? More like NOTube, amirite?

That?s right. You heard it here first. Jordan brook the news Google has decided to shut down YouTube. After eight years, the company revealed that the whole thing has actually been an American Idol-like competition. Thank god, because for those of us that were taught that life is a competition ? no enjoyment necessary ? well, we?ve been a little suspicious of YouTube.

But the company has finally revealed that the competition that we know as YouTube is coming to a close, and that an expert panel of judges ? YouTube celebrities themselves ? will choose the winners. But don?t expect the winners to be announced any time soon. The judges will spend the next decade sifting through YouTube videos to choose said winners. Tomorrow, at midnight, the site will shut down and all content will be deleted. When it reopens in 2023, the only remaining video will be the winner. Frankly, it all makes perfect sense.

Or, even better, here?s the livestream:

http://www.youtube.com/user/YouTube?v=HGeMGqVKD6A

Gmail Blue

The hits just keep coming for The Googs. Next stop on the April Fools Google Train? ?Gmail Blue.? That should explain itself, but just in case, it took Google ?six years to develop the technology? to turn Gmail blue. Google turns nine tomorrow, and it might as well just go for it.

A poke at Facebook? Who?s to say?

You Got Vowels? Give Twitter Money.

Twitter has announced Twttr. Who needs vowels, am I right? Not you. Or Twitter. Twitter?s new ?two-tiered? service includes a free portion called ?Twttr? where each tweet (or ?twt?) shall contain nary-a-vowel. But just in case that has you up in arms, you can have your stinkin? vowels back, but it will cost you $5/month.

Pretty minimal price to pay for the fundamental building blocks of, you know, the English language and all. But because Twitter is ever-the-beneficent social network, it will offer the ?sometimes Y? free of charge. Well, isn?t that precious? Oh, and thankfully URL vowels are free. Twitter?s not into the whole ?hidden fees? thing, you understand. It?s almost like that April Fools joke where Facebook tried to make you pay $1 to message strangers. Oh wait, that actually happened.

Try it here. More from Drew here.

Netflix?s Super Grumpy Genres:

It seems like an angry intern has wiggled his way into Netflix?s genre system, with all sorts of new genres popping up for the first time today.

Other family favorites include ?Movies That Are In English But Still Require Subtitles?, ?Movies With Epic Nicolas Cage Meltdowns?, and my favorite, ?Surreal Ballets Based on a William Shatner Album? which just lists William Shatner?s Gonzo Ballet 50 times.

The White House

This is the best April Fools of all. Maybe all time.

Square + Box = ?

What do you get when you add a square to a box?

WRONG.

And if you said, four dimensions, a hypercube, cubity-cube, a ?Squa-ox? or a ?Buh-square? you were especially wrong ? and may god have mercy on your soul.

No, what you actually get is a Polyhedron. [Memorize that: Because it will be a question on technical interviews at both Square and Box.] That?s right. Today, @levie and @jack two random dudes of the evil masterminds behind Box and Square have decided to merge their companies into one strangely-shaped geometric phenomenon known as a Polyhedron.

As the announcement explains, drawing on ancient and long-forgotten texts, only the greatest of Business Gurus understand the deep interplay between Shapes and Startups:

Sometimes companies merge because of strategic fit, culture, and shared vision. And while we think these are certainly compelling reasons to join forces, sometimes the real strategic value is in similar names.

Om. Let the wisdom wash over you, small business owners and enterprise CIOs. Building a lasting business is all about understanding the interplay of shapes within free markets. Look it up. So, clearly, we can expect great things from Polyhedron.

The blog post continues:

This is just the beginning. In the future, we will look to aggressively roll up other shape-inclined companies. And while we?re biased towards right angles, that will not limit our ambitions.

After all, simplicity isn?t just about focus. It?s about disrupting traditional ways of thinking about all the shapes around us, and how these shapes can fit together.

Following Samsung?s lead, Jack and I will be looking for a third co-CEO, given that triangles are the optimal executive shape. Polyhedron will be located in Union Square in San Francisco.

To all aspiring founders out there, take the above nugget of wisdom, put it next to your ear and let it whisper truth into your brain. Yes, the true power of leadership and management is derived from the almighty love triangle. Let it be known. Amen.

A Brief History Of Uber Time

Today, Uber has released the first true, authorized history of how it came to be. In a chronology that reaches back through the ages, the Uber Elders teach us that the concept that has defined a generation of on-demand luxury car rides first landed in America in the year of our Lord, 1849. It was at this point that: ?Jeremiah T. Uber and his three sons arrive in the port of San Francisco from Panama. They open Uber & Sons, a modest dry goods store catering to gold miners and prospectors. With his venture capital funding running low, Jeremiah pivots the business into providing on-demand horse-drawn carriages.?

But hard times were ahead, thanks to the Great Depression:

1929: The Great Depression nearly sinks Uber?s business when a stock market crash and 25% unemployment severely curtails public desire for private chauffeurs.

A desperate foray into on-demand food delivery backfires when Uber is criticized for using dynamic pricing to charge more for turkey on Thanksgiving.

And don?t even get them started on World War II.

Find the rest of Uber?s Revisionist history here.

The Rest

Virgin?s Glass-Bottomed Plane

Glass-bottomed boats are so last year. That?s why Virgin is stepping it up a notch with the world?s first-ever glass-bottomed plane. Richard Branson proves himself to be a peerless innovator yet again:

We hope to trial the glass bottom technology with other Virgin airlines in time and have asked other Virgin companies to support this innovative trial and launch our new domestic Scottish route. This really is a team effort from all corners of Virgin.

Speechless.

Sony For Pets

Sony is releasing a new ?Animalia? line of products for your tech product-starved pets. And they?re really ?stoked? about it. As are your pets, no doubt. Because your hamsters need to test out those Beats headphones you bought them for Christmas.

According to Sony:

The introductory line-up includes Sony-branded products targeted at owners with dogs, cats and hamsters, with additional devices and networked services slated for release later this year. Check out this video to learn all about our new K9 4K TV, M3-OW KittyCans, and In-Cage Speakers.

ThinkGeek

ThinkGeek has a whole new line of April Fools products that are fun for the whole family. Like this ?Eye Of Sauron Desk Lamp.? My apologies if your order doesn?t go through. I?ve already bought 50 of them.

Google Maps Treasure Mode

Google Maps wants to bring your Goonies dreams to life:

Archeological analysis has confirmed that our Google Maps Street View team has indeed found one of history?s long lost relics: a treasure map belonging to the infamous pirate, William ?Captain? Kidd.

The map was found on a recent expedition in the Indian Ocean, as part of a deep-water dive to expand our underwater Street View collection. Captain Kidd was rumored to have buried his treasure around the world, and tales of a long-lost treasure map have lingered for generations.

Google+ Photos And +Emotion

Google+ now lets you add real emotions to your photos. This would be hilarious if 25 startups weren?t currently working on/pitching this idea ? outside of Google+. Because the best Google+ April Fools joke is, really, well, Google+.

Google Analytics

Some users of Google Analytics may begin noticing that they have a few new international visitors checking out their sites. I?m just glad Google didn?t say that they were ?totally out of this world.? Google is now including active visitors from the International Space Station, Control Room, who clearly have nothing better to do than to check out your WordPress blog. Here?s Carl to explain.

Google SCHMICK

More Google. Now Google wants to help you spruce up the look of your house. They explain:

Is your house looking a bit tired and shabby? Want to make your narky step-aunt jealous? Trying to keep up with the Joneses but don?t have the money to complete an expensive reno?

Now you can give your house a lick of fresh paint for free on Street View with Google SCHMICK (Simple Complete House Makeover Internet Conversion Kit). Forgot to mow the nature strip? Deck it out with some fresh buffalo grass. Front steps falling down? Swap them out for doric columns and a pergola. Graffiti on the front fence? Cover it with so many palm trees people will think they?re on the Vegas strip.

Google?s Levity Algorithm

For your Google Apps pleasures:

Toshiba Gets A Console

That?s right. Today, Toshiba is announcing its first-ever gaming console: The Shibasphere. Look out, every gaming console ever made, past, present or future. The Shibasphere is here.

The Shibasphere features unprecedented computing power, a completely controller-free interface, and Logical Aggression Monitoring that deploys positive therapeutics to prevent emotionally devastating rage-quits. Available accessories include the Shibadome, Shibasuit and Shibatote that enhance the sound, motion detection and portability of the console, and also features:

12 core 3.5 Ghz Processors
8192 MB GDDR5 RAM Graphics Card
809.3b Infrared Motion Detection
1080p Full HD
7.1 Channel Surround Sound
5 Stereo Mini Jacks
8 HDMI Ports
AC Power

SoundCloud?s Dropometer

Sometimes you just don?t know when ?the drop? is going to hit in a song. Not sure what I?m talking about? If you?ve ever seen a Harlem Shake video, it?s that very short, euphoric moment where the music drops out for a second and suddenly everyone is dancing/humping something. (See a notable example from my alma mater here.) Well, now, using its patent-pending algorithm, SoundCloud will tell you when that ?unpredictable and surprising moment? is going to happen, via The Dropometer:

? The Dropometer is designed to help you prepare yourself for the big moment, whether that means getting in the mental space where you can really break it down, or fixing yourself a fortifying snack.

While we first innovated the Dropometer around dubstep, we?ve identified broad utility for this new functionality across all genres. Look to the Dropometer to find out when to expect a key crescendo in a 17th-century symphony or the emotional climax in an episode of This American Life.

Love with Food Gon? Get You High

Love With Food is announcing a new product line called Love With WEED ? a monthly subscription that delivers a new high every month. For every box sent, we?ll plant a cannabis shrub along CA Route 1. It?s like Tom?s, but greener. Here it is.

Sphero PeaceKeeper

Robotics takes a step forward today with ?Sphero ? Peacekeeper Edition.? The robotics maker is now offering a super-sized version of Sphero that you can control from your smartphone or tablet. And cats love it. It measures 3-feet in diameter, weighs over 150 pounds but is totally fun and lightweight and agile. The future is now, people. GoSphero.

StumbleUpon

StumbleUpon has put together a big list of things you can to do prank your colleagues, family members and loved ones. See it here.

RunKeeper

The next revolution in running is here. Now. And it?s really big.

Obama Takes To Crowdtilt To Fund The Debt

President Obama has today taken to Crowdtilt to help raise money for the sky-rocketing national debt. When things get out of control, you can always turn to crowdfunding.

Here?s his note:

A PERSONAL APPEAL FROM PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA

My fellow Americans,

Despite the best efforts of my administration, prolonged partisan debates in Congress are preventing us from a solution to our mounting national debt. Instead of bickering over taxes, we?re taking a new approach: asking everyday Americans to chip in so we can pay off our debt once and for all.

With your help, it?s time to act.
HELP PAY OFF our NATIONAL DEBT

Samsung?s Eco Trees

Really hilarious, Samsung: ?Samsung Electronics announced Eco Trees, a smart, eco-friendly air purifier that runs on solar energy.? Get it? Chlorophyll? More like Bore-ophyll. Here are all of their fresh new Eco Tree products.

Nokia Gets Into Microwaves

With the success of its smartphones, it was really only a matter of time.

We are delighted to announce a significant new extension to Nokia?s product offering with the Nokia 5AM-TH1N6 Constellation, a touch-screen microwave oven. The Constellation sets itself apart with a superfast, water-cooled 8-core high-voltage transformer, which brings a combined performance of 5,000 watts to end-users, letting them heat up turnkey meal solutions within seconds.
?Nokia has a proven track record and extensive IPR in working with microwave radios, so for us this was a logical next step. We can attack our competition in their core business,? says Olavi Huhtikuu, Nokia?s director of household innovation.

?That?s why we developed the highly innovative 5AM-TH1N6 Constellation, which will revolutionize everything from single households to canteen kitchens.?

The new Nokia 5AM-TH1N6 has even more innovative features. The device comes with the latest eye-tracking technology, which stops the food from rotating when you look at it, and it automatically adjusts the temperature depending on how hungry you look.

BMW Gets Into Strollers

With a royal baby due this summer, we are proud to announce the launch of our limited edition BMW P.R.A.M. (Postnatal Royal Auto Mobile). Available in Princess Pink or Royal Blue, this soft-top convertible has been designed using our EfficientDynamics technology. With two or four-wheel-drive, it rides as smoothly on a polo field as it does down The Mall and comes with air conditioning and built-in extendable flagpoles as standard. For those who are ?too posh to push? this masterpiece of motherhood even comes fitted with N.A.P.P.I.E. (Nanny-Assisting Petrol-Powered Injection Engine).

Roku Streaming Shades

You like streaming media? Do you like cool shades? Well, my friend, Roku has just the thing for you. Today, the company is announcing its so-called ?Roku Streaming Shades,? the first ?wearable Roku player.? Isn?t that essentially the idea behind Google Glass, you ask? You quiet down there, peanut gallery.

The company says that it designed its Roku Streaming Shades were designed with on-the-move TV watcher in mind: ?Comfortable, silicone nose pads keep the lightweight frame securely in place on even the smallest-featured of faces. Our industrial designers worked side-by-side with fashion designers to create a frame that looks smart wherever you want to watch a movie secretly, whether it?s a dull work presentation or your child?s piano recital ? Simple voice commands put you in control of Roku Streaming Shades.?

Oh, there?s more:

Roku Streaming Shades will support over 100 Roku channels at launch, with more to be added. Video is the star. Our research shows that users don?t want to use head-mounted displays to send text messages to people 10 feet away, learn the length of the Brooklyn Bridge or creep friends out by live casting a party. They want to veg out to marathon sessions of Homeland.

Two models of Roku Streaming Shades will be available:

Roku Streaming Shades ? Plastic frames in tortoise shell, mulberry or onyx. Up to 720p video. 801.11 a/b/g/n. Bluetooth 4.0.
Roku Streaming Shades XS ? Aluminum frames in ultramarine, persimmon, cornsilk or dust storm. Up to 1080p video. 801.11 a/b/g/n (801.11n in 2.4 GHz and 5.0 GHz. GSM/EDGE, LTE connections (data plan $50/month for 50GB from to-be-announced wireless carrier). Bluetooth 4.0.
Both models support voice commands via a built-in microphone and audio output with speakers and a stereo headphone mini-jack. A mini bluetooth Roku remote makes it simple to skip songs on Pandora when you don?t want to appear to be talking to yourself. The rechargeable lithium-ion battery provides up to 10 hours of video streaming bliss.

Microsoft?s Sad Bing Entry

Google has some 100 April Fools jokes, and here?s Microsoft/Bing?s. How many managers do you think this had to go through before finally getting approved?

Every day on the Bing homepage, we strive to bring you a picture of the world that you?ve never seen before. Just a single image a day, but always something memorable and beautiful. But for all the variety we?ve explored through the thousands of images we?ve showcased on our homepage since 2009, there are still internet searchers for whom full motion videos of South Pacific beaches, images of exploding geysers or 3-D underwater scenes are just too engaging. Indeed we?ve been told many people come to Bing to find the name of the movie with tom cruise and a unicorn only to get lost for days clicking around the homepage image.

So we ran some numbers on this unique online behavior, did some ethnographic research to study habits and tastes; and then took a shot at redesigning Bing?s homepage to discourage this behavior of exploration and discovery. So today we?re running a special test, where if you visit bing.com and enter a certain telltale query, you?ll get something a little more bland. We decided to go back to basics, to the dawn of the Internet, to reimagine Bing with more of a 1997, dial-up sensibility in mind. We may see some uptick in our numbers based on this test, but the main goal here is just to learn more about how our world would look if we hadn?t evolved.

We probably won?t be going in this direction long-term, but we?re always interested in your thoughts, so please let us know what you think by hitting us @bing and use #bingredo if you?re feeling fancy.

? Michael Kroll, Principal UX Manager, Bing

Bonobos: The Girlfriend Jean

Bonobos, the men?s luxury apparel company, has come out with a new line today called ?The Girlfriend Jean,? which purports to take everything a ?woman looks for in jeans, and stitches it together in a way men can understand. Because sometimes a guy?s favorite pair of jeans aren?t guy jeans at all.? Confusing, we know, but your girlfriend?s gonna love it.

AnyRoad

Travel startup AnyRoad has a Kim Jong Il tour for $25 million Japanese yen. Just so you know. The image below makes it worth it.

Juniper

Juniper, ?a startup that is providing monthly deliveries of items that a huge segment of the population absolutely needs on a monthly basis: Tampons and sanitary napkins,? according to Colleen?s recent coverage, doesn?t want to leave guys out of the equation.

Today, it?s releasing a limited time ?Man Pack? that has all that many stuff that you need to be a man. No, not Old Spice, but industrial-grade lighters, motor oil, beard trimmers and presumably other stuff to cut, maul or stab things. Find it here.

Mixpanel

Mixpanel, the realtime web analytics platform, is announcing today that it has identified a little market opportunity. A little market opportunity called Big Data. Of course, Mixpanel hasn?t been the only one to get excited about Big Data. So, three years after graduating from YC, Mixpanel is pivoting. Pivoting big time, shifting its focus from ?Big Data to Bigger Data.? Yep, that?s right. You heard it here first.

Simple?s CA$H$IMPLE

Online banking service, Simple, has a lot of cash just lying around. You know how it is. C.R.E.A.T. So, the startup created a new tool that lets you take a picture of your cash, and presto, instantly deposit that cash into your account. Technology! What do they call this thing of beauty? Why, CA$H$IMPLE, of course.

Here?s their explanation:

Until now, Simple customers had to turn cash into money orders, and then deposit using Photo Check Deposit. As one very clever Twitter follower of ours has noted, that?s not very Simple! We agree, and that?s why today, we?re thrilled to announce CA$H$IMPLE!

CA$H$IMPLE is the perfect way to keep your cash in order. Just like all the tools we?ve built, CA$H$IMPLE has the beauty and simplicity of use you?ve come to expect from our team. It works like this: just stack your cash (US Dollars only, Bitcoin support is in beta) in denomination from lowest to highest, then tap ?Deposit Cash? on your Simple Activity screen. From there, enter the amount, snap a photo, and boom! Cash in your account. Immediately!

We know you?ll love how absolutely effortless it is to fund your account in this way

Hootsuite

Hootsuite gets into security. Finally.

Social media has proven to be more than just a trend or a fad; even regulated industries like banks and government agencies are establishing social strategies to help them join the online conversation.

Executives crave a secure way to roll out a social media plan that benefits both the company and its customers. In response to demand for a simpler, more robust security solution, HootSuite has created a new product that is already flying off the shelves:

TripAdvisor/SniqueAway

TripAdvisor and SniqueAway are offering you a grandiose little vacation to Aunt Gerdie?s house. It?s just around the corner. Here?s the description:

One step through the squeaky screen door and you?ll know why you came to Aunt Gertie?s House: character. A screen-porch dining area allows for suburban views of Mr. Wilson?s hourly leaf-blowing demonstration, while sampling freezer-to-table fare is perfect for practicing that ?Mmm, I swear it?s good? face. An outdoor above-ground pool makes enjoying the unkempt landscaping that much easier. And when it?s time to retire (like most of the permanent residents), ?guest rooms? with Twin beds that ?aren?t that bad? make anyone wonder how the term ?bed? can be used so loosely.

True + Co?s Remote Control Bra

Online bra depot, True + Company, has released a new app today that allows you to ?tap a button on your iPhone to remote control your cleavage.? Yes, it?s a Bluetooth-enabled bra ?with built-in pump technology.? The ?Max? setting is perfect for first dates, while ?Light? allows you to take it down a notch for those more professional contexts. Check it out here.

Amazon Web Services

From the Amazon Web Services blog comes The New Punched Card Cloud.

At least once per decade (I?ve been at this evangelism thing for a long time), a potential customer will ask me1 if we have ever thought of building a cloud of mainframe computers. They recognize the benefits of cloud computing, but are reluctant to give up their Job Control Language, their decks of punched cards, their flowchart templates, and the incredible sense of job security that comes along with being the world?s oldest COBOL programmer.

In order to address this customer segment, we are launching our new Punched Card Cloud, or PC2 for short.

Kayak Dates

This one pretty much explains itself.

Seamless ?Deluxe? Delivery

Beginning this spring, Seamless will launch ?Deluxe Delivery? to give customers the ability to select who will deliver their food. Don?t be surprised when a supermodel gently knocks on the door, whispering, ?Your food is here.? And when they say ?supermodel,? they really mean ?

Revision3

In the wake of G4?s recent rebranding as Esquire, Revision3 was faced with a difficult question: What is the future of media today? We?re happy to announce that the future of media today is here NOW! And it?s magazines! That?s right! Rev3 is rebranding itself as magazines. And not just any magazines? ALL MAGAZINES! Say goodbye to tech reviews, video game analysis and science news. And say hello to the paper cut free online magazine experience!

Instacart Puppies

Unlimited puppies delivered, on-demand to your doorstep? Even the most heartless and jaded among us have to enjoy that idea. Well, thanks to Instacart, you just got puppies.

A New Look For Highlight

Today, Highlight is looking to address what is clearly the most controversial part of its business: That blurry logo. In a blog post today, Highlight shared the latest incarnation of its notorious logo.

The company explains:

?You probably know that the Highlight logo is a controversial piece of design. Many designers praise it and debate its merits on Quora, while others protest its existence through comments on blog posts, subtle URLs and tool tips, and nuanced opinion pieces. It?s like visual cilantro: You either love it or it feels like soap in your eyes.

In an effort to keep the brand fresh, we?ve been hard at work on a visual redesign of the logo that we are thrilled to share with you today:

Find an elucidation of the particulars and deep design theory that went into the production of this whizbang new logo here.

Toaster.io

A toaster that will. blow. your. mind. More here.

A Walk Down Memory Lane

April Fools Jokes Galore 2012

April Fools 2011: The Big List

April Fools 2010: The Definitive List

Exerpt image from Hark.com

Source: http://techcrunch.com/2013/04/01/april-fools-2013/

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